Dancing Daydreamer Under The Rainbow
Come..Laugh & Cry With Me..
Here am i staring blankly at the ceiling as the clock approaches 530am. Ive tried exercising, thought it will curb insomnia. But i feel more energetic.
Why?
Am i worrying about the exam in Dec? But it worrying solves nothing. It is only a state of mind due to unnecessary scenarios formed in our mind, which in reality, high probability will never happen.
Or is there something subconsciously bugging me? I dont know. Perhaps my weight since ive been indulging myself with good food.
I just have to share my 1 week experience for being religiously applying the facial product from Bio Essence, the Tanaka White Double Whitening range.
I bought the trial set since i was afraid that if the product may not be compatible with my hyper-sensitive skin. It initially started with my intention to get a good facial cleanser, but i thought hey why not i just try the whole set.
I could sum up my experience using the product for 1 week with one word – incredible! Certainly eliminates my sceptical perception on drug store skin care.
The cream cleanser does not cause any irritation or burning effect. The toner clarifies well. My skin looks fresher. I think the serum works well in lightening spots. I have scars from my eczema and now the appearance has been significantly reduced. Ive been massaging my face when applying the serum and moisturiser, surprisingly, i noticed that the smiling lines are now less visible too.
I have never been so satisfied as my skin looks way brighter and more radiant. Will definitely get the full size set. I think they are the best drug store purchases i have made for skin care so far.
I envy my married girlfriends. Actually both envy and happy for them. Knowing the fact that the pain they went through and learning from them on how they transformed their lives by setting the right values. They are all now happily married. Focus on their relationship and family. Calmer. I hope to reach that point someday. Soon.
On trust: it’s hard to find people that you can trust. You just need to have faith and hold firm by your values.
On friendship: too many acquintances but none are real in being friends. We hang out but we are not friends.
On beauty: there will always be younger prettier smarter richer people. So what do you have to offer? Look within yourself and start to do things your ways. Appreciate what you have and value the little gestures. Always be kind.
On love: like wealth, it could be luck and hardwork. Mutual understanding. Be happy with yourself.
On health: watchout what you eat. Restraining from splurging on shopping is a lot easier than eating junks. Being consistent in study and work seems simpler than sweating.
On life: if we choose to die, we may not have the chances to correct our mistakes, to rise from failure, to try again and again. All is dead.
You can never truly find a genuine frienship nowadays. Some people only find you when they are in trouble. Some only when they need connections. Or trying to leverage on you. Some will only be there when the day is bright. Some just shut themselves away as they think highly of themselves. Many consider you as an option.
Hence, we too have to be selective. Its ok.
I think i could have won oscar last night. Met some acquintances from my previous job and they think i look fine and happy. They have to be kidding me. In reality i am extremely depress and sad. But i managed to conceal my feelings and gloominess well. Or excellently. I guessed at some point in life, we just gotta fake happiness.
I woke up this morning to my mom accusing me of trying to poison her. I have no idea what was going on and where on earth did she get this absurd thought. My girlfriend said it’s a chronic symptons of women going through menopause. I dont know but it was ridiculous.
I am feeling deprived. Very. Too much. I told my dad to pray for my early departure from living when he performs his hajj.
I have been very depressed since early this year. Worn out with life and surroundings. If this prolongs further, i could break. Its an empty life. Noone to talk too. Noone to refer for comfort. Very very very extremely painful.
As much as i dont feel like doing nothing and sleep all day long, i have to perform my obligations. I wish i was born rich that i could just do whatever i want the way i want.
Well who says life was going to be fair and simple. But it gets more complicated and so confusing. Human nature not to be satisfied with what we have. To always be hungry like a hunter.
I thought i could be in a war. The modern version. War against wants and needs. War to attain happiness.
My family is a huge disappointment. Nothing satisfies them. It has always been about money and complaints and rants and nags. Negativities. Too much indeed. Too much that it drains away your spirit and motivation. Everything seems wrong. No celebrations or a simple note of congratulations to my promotion. Instead asking about salary. How materially and monetary driven?
They forgot that i am a girl. I want to have family too and not to carry the responsibilities being a parent to my brother while they enjoy their newly married life. Not that new but still.
Why bring us to this world in the first place? Dont blame me for supporting abortion. It does not only apply to non marital couple but too married couple as well. Couples who failed to perform their duty as parents. Who thinks that their commitments ended the moment their kids have grown up and worked and earned a living. This is absolutely a wrong mind-set. Corrupted.
Yes as a children we have our responsibilities and to be independent from our parents. but that does not mean we want to be treated differently.
People changed. And it shall not exclude our own family. They are human too. Greed has conquered us. That we become calculative towards our own blood. Trashed out harshness. I hope my parents would have aborted me since i have no other choices but to fight for my survivorship. But for how long?
I am just too tired and sick. Unfortunaly nobody notices because we are too occupied with our own interests.
Dancing Daydreamer Under The Rainbow 