Today i left my country with no job, no relationship and repeatedly being disowned by my dad since 18.
I aim to tone down. No more networking, minimal social life with selected peers, no more trying to build an extravagance social status – hoping to be liked and befriended by many people, to post on instagram so that people desire/envy my life, whilst reality is far beyond real.
It is ok if people were to call me anti-social, as long as I am contend with my life and sureoundings. I am sick and worn out with trying to proof what others said about me is wrong. People are entitled to their opinion.
P/s: whatever bound to happen is with the permission of the Almighty. Embrace and love yourself. You will see light at the end of the tunnel as you ride through the bumpy roads.
3 more days and I am exhausted. Please be kind. I have no energy to compete. All I want is to be accepted for who I am.
I am both hurt and traumatised. This silent period is meant for me to rebuild my confidence, recharge my vibe and rejuvenate my appearance.
It will require some investment. But it is surely worth it as we will be living for many many more donkey years.
P/S: My soul is tired
Four days til my last day as a consultant and my healing trip to Turkey. It is a mixed feelings. I woke up yesterday feeling rather under the weather as I will be leaving the company. However, looking at the bright side, I left for growth. A decision with purpose.
My love for history, culture and Rumi made me decided for Turkey. It will be a journey through the history beginning as early as the Hittities to the Ancient Greek-Roman to the Ottoman Empire and the modern Turkey. I wouldn’t call it soul-searching trip, but I’d prefer to name it the ‘food for soul trip’. I have my soul. I need to enhance its strengths. Feed it the right way since it is now too tired and bitter.
Well, if you read/watch Eat Pray Love, the writer actually went to 3 different countries in order to attain these objective. Eat in Italy, Pray in India and Love in Bali (Indonesia). I on the other hand seek for one country that would be able to give me all three (eat, pray, love). Therefore, Turkey is perfect! Indulging in the scrumptious Turkish cuisine (ie. eat), appreciating the teaching of Sufism and Rumi’s poem (ie. pray), immersing myself in the history of the country which dated back to 1-2BC (ie. love).
I do not have a lot of expectations but I do know I just need to get out of the country to heal myself as I am too disappointed with my career. The day I will be leaving for the trip, is the day that I officially have nothing. No relationship (been 2 years not even dates). No career (as I was told I shouldn’t be doing what I want to do as I do not know or have never done it). But I am grateful to God for my family, the trip and (perhaps) potential opportunities. We do not know. It could be a blessings in disguise.
God is the Great!
When i wanted to be part of the project early this year, my boss said to me that i can’t because i don’t know. Henceforth, he took my new colleague to be in the project team.
Yesterday, maybe after 5weeks from project inception, the project team leader insisted that my new colleague to be removed from the team. My boss had no choice but to follow accordingly.
I wasn’t quite sure the reason but all i realised was only one thing – God has answered my prayers.
I wonder if he still thinks of me. Perhaps he has moved on. I think of him a lot lately. Wonder what he has been up to?
1month has passed.
I am a mess. Still. Uncapable of loving anyone. Letting anyone into my life.
I couldnt stop thinking about him yesterday. Thus led to his presence in my sleep last night.
Today i got my letter and realised that the date of my new endeavour has been fixed on his birthday.
I couldnt decipher anything and i will not react until I come back from my trip.
24 days to go. I shall spend them wisely. Soon i will lose the free time and back to hectic schedule.
These 24 days give me the space to reflect on my life, aspiration and goals. To let go and appreciate. To look for the good in the bad. To make peace and to device a plan. An impactful plan to strike back.
Never lose the courage and energy to fight for what you can’t stop thinking regardless what others said.