Pray for me

I was crying, yelling and screaming my heart out for help. But nobody listens. The nuisance in life we live cause ignorance. This has been too long for me. It is a burden. Not that i want to be this way. I didnt choose to. I did try my best to change. To get out of this situation. Everybody wants a better life.

I close my eyes and pray to god everyday. It is about time for my departure. It hurts a lot. It is like being trap in the dark in an endless tunnel. You moved but ended at the same point.

I doubt anybody would feel my absence as i rarely make any impact to anyone, including my family. What do they know about my life? Who are my friends? What do i do at work? What do i like to eat? Where do i normally eat? What is my hobby?

They will not be able to answer these. With no guilt or shame. Please pray for me when I am away

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Courage to leave

I want to leave everything i have now. Just abandon them. Putting a stop to this pain. I have been suffering for too long. Alone. I tried to reach out for help. But no. Noone cares.

I have been trying for too long to but to no avail. Hence i need to learn to give up. I am already dead inside. I feel nothing. Empty.

God is unfair. The people who brought me into this world r unfair too. How can u bring a soul into this world and leave them on their own. Floating. Searching.

I just need to find the courage to leave.

I don’t exist

I don’t exist. My presence or absence makes no different. As if i dont exist at all. Nobody cares to have me in their life. I pray to god that he will consider of taking me away. Rather than continuously being in pain. It has been 10years. This pain needs to stop. This pain has to stop. This pain must stop. Soon…

A downward reality

I have been feeling angry lately. It could be the reason to the sleepless nights I had off-late. I am extremely upset with how my dad has been treating me. Upset with god. Upset with work.

I will be 35 in a month. I have no family. No relationship. No love. No career. Everything seems to be falling apart. I tried to build one but to no avail.

I also avoided several friends. They are only there to judge. I cant be surrounded by judgemental people. We are always surrounded by them. But we can choose whether to allow them in our life or to keep the association at arm’s length. I need to be able to be myself and express myself well.

This is unfair. God is unfair. And i hate god.

Post holidays

Since i came back from the vacation. I feel like staying away from certain people.

Well i came to realise that it happens whenever i came back from holidays. I’ll just isolate myself or distant myself from someone without looking back. However during the holiday, i didnt think much about them.

Perhaps i always come back with a new perspective. Wanting better things in life. Trashing away anything that could possibly hurt my feelings. Self realisation on how i should be treated.

I deserve the best for myself. And i should get out of the country more frequent.