Third Wheel

Being the other woman is a taboo. Nobody talks about it openly. Not even to the closest person in our life. Why? People generally judge. How can we faced the society as the other woman? The answer is simple. We can’t.

Hence, we normally lead a very low profile life. No names mentioned. Always anonymous. Close to invisible. Indeed his existence is also unnoticeable.

We wait for his texts and calls. His timing. His place. No messages at night or weekends.

For 1.5 years i coped with these. But he changed after 2 years. These rules are still in placed, with a slight flexibility.

We choose this path for many reasons. The question is… why did i?

I was in relationship with a bachelor before. Prior to that I was seeing single men too. The issue here can be narrowed down to one – they always play the single card to attract woman.

Givings hope or putting expectations like – i am looking for someone to get married. We are/will move towards that direction (marriage).

After the last break up. I decided not to date til he popped up. He was very clear from the very beginning that he has no intention to marry me. Very much in love with his wife. I accepted. Until now, i was never disappointed at him.

It is important for the other woman to understand where she belongs without being told to. Always in the dark. Looking at other couples and admiring their open affection. But again, will i have that with a single man? I doubt so. In my situation, both will treat me the same. Pessimistic? No. A conclusion drawn through experience.

How did i make it this long? I often asked myself, will it be better with a single guy? No. Then stay as the third wheeler.


Farewell 2017

I gave in to his wants. Spreading my legs to him while bidding farewell to 2017.

But who am i saving myself for? A future partner. Single for 3years. Waited. Behaved. Limiting and consuming myself.

What different does it make with this act of sin. It results in the same outcome. selflessness. Invaluable. I succumb to the fact that or reality that you will only be treated well or to be taken seriously, if only you come from a prominent/privileged background. Nobody wants to be burden with responsibilities. Everybody wants to be associated with the glam and glitz. Easy life.

Acknowledging my guilt to his partner. But not to myself. As i have no value. Living to die. I go through everyday waiting for my moment of death. Accident or sudden chronic health problems. How dramatic can life be?

My life is meaningless. Carrying little weight to anyone and everyone. My presence doesn’t impact much. Hence my abscence will not be felt. I am just an air molecule.

I am a whore, bitch, slut. Whatever names that u can call a woman with eroding morality like me.

I am used to being laughed at, downgraded and insulted. Being pushed to the corner, stepped over and stripped naked. Never the first option or top any priority list. Always the fall back plan. Yet still happy to always accompany others. As i understand how it feels to be left alone and lonely. To search for a companionship. Hence i will always be there for whom ever that will need it. Regardless of how i am being treated. Not complaining but just sharing.

He, has a sterling reputation, a smooth sailing solid career, a loving and wonderful family. A depiction of a perfect life. Any men could envy and would want to switch their role with.

The opposite of me. Still/always trying and never made it.

He taught me to control my emotions. Not to react to anything. As much as he considered me as the spur of the moment and my non existence in his reality. He did skip his 4hours meeting just to serve his personal wishes. Then rushed off to dinner with his in laws. Well men get away with anything. A woman like me floats.

Who am i to demand for his presence. I’d disappear when his fantasies change. Sooner or later. I am just a phase in his life or in everyone’s life. Never permanent.


Weeks prior to my trip to Turkey, I decided to clean up my list of acquiantances. I left several group chats and blocked a long list of contacts. I just wanted a peaceful life. Make new friends and contacts. Leave my old troublesome chaotic life behind. Some took it personally and some were startled.

I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. But all i wanted is real true friends. Friends who would stick to you through ups and downs. Laugh and cry with you. Motivate and support you.

Two days ago, a former fellow colleague of mine forwarded an article about my former boss. I wasn’t surprise at all to be frank. Whenever he got appointed as a chairman, nasty news will be reported on him. But what truly got into our attention mainly, i guessed, was his list of female acquaintances. I felt sorry to one of them indeed, as she was quoted of getting a job through him and her linked with him was questioned when she had actually worked for him for a year. They even posted her photo. How nasty can it be? As far as i know, she is well qualified and had served several GLCs prior to joining my former boss. It was definitely a huge lie and bias in reporting.

But it was a blessings in diaguise as I dissociated myself from controversial figures in advance. Alhamdullillah, i am grateful to god for protecting me from anything that can be unhealthy and dangerous to myself in all aspects.

My version of eat, pray, love – the healing city of Pamukkale

I reached Denizli early morning and took a dolmus (minibus) to Pamukkale. Pamukkale is a very small town, famous for the thermal hot spring and the unesco world heritage site – hierapolis. Hierapolis is an ancient greek-roman (bathing) city. 

I didn’t take any guide here. So i had to walk to the entranceof hierapolis. There are 3 entrances – north gate, south gate and the travertine gate. I entered through the travertine as that was the nearest to my hotel and climbed up the rich in calcium heel. In the noon, i saw many tourist actually bathing at the travertine and also the cleopatra thermal pool in hierapolis. The is a huge amphitheatre that as you reach up of the theatre, you could get a view of the whole ancient town and city of Pamukkale.

Since Pamukkale is a small town, choices of food are limited and expensive. I got bored with Pamukkale after 3hours. I didnt bring my bathing suit so i couldnt dip in the hot spring pool. And i have checked-in for a night. Therefore, i spent the rest of the day reading the alchemist.

A half day trip to Pamukkale should be enough. There is nothing much to see in Hierapolis. Or maybe you could just leave Pamukkale out of your itinerary. Owh the town is also famous for paragliding activity but I didn’t ask how much.

To be continued on the next city…

My version of eat, pray, love – the mystical city of Konya

In my previous post, i wrote about my trip in Cappadocia for 4days and 3nights. Then, departed for 4hours bus ride to Konya.

Konya is one of the largest cities in Turkey. Speaking of Konya, ones would often relates it Rumi, the famous muslim sufist, philosophist and poet. His works are regarded as the best selling literature work in America. Rumi is also the founder of the Mevlana Order in the teaching of sufism.

As i reached Konya Bus Terminal, i looked for the left luggage area. It is right near to platform 31. It costed me 10 turkish lira to store a small luggage for 12 hours. The. I was directed to the bus stop to take the dolmus (minibus) to the city centre. And reality immediate hits me hard on myself. Majority of the locals in Konya couldn’t speak English. As i was asking the dolmus’ driver, a local guided me to tale which dolmus and where to stop. I am very grateful for that. I hopped out at a park near to Allaaddin Hill. I love how spacious the park is and people were chilling there. 

I walked to the Mevlana Museum. My love for Rumi was the only reason i made a stop at Konya. The museum is free to the public. Rumi tomb was huge. I didnt expect that. I saw people were praying and praising him to God.

There is a famous mosque adjacent to the Mevlana Museum, built diring the Seljuk empire. Owh not to forget that Konya was the capital of Seljuk empire many hundred years ago.

I wanted to visit the tomb of Shems Tabriz, the guru to Rumi. Unfortunately the location was secluded and i dared not to walk alone.

Konya is indeed a conservative city buy modern. 85% of the women wear headscarf. I didn’t overnight in Konya. Later on I found out how to purchase the e-kart to take the tram back to the bus terminal. E-kart can be purchased from El-kart kiosks located near all tram stations. The card will cost you 1 turkish lira, then u have to topped up whatever amount you required to take the tram.

I reached the bus terminal around 7ish pm. My bus to the next destination will arrive at 11:59pm. I spent the rest of my day at the bus terminal. 

You only need to spend about 3-4 hours in Konya and if you are not a keen fan of Rumi or Sufism, there is no need to come to Konya. 

To be continued on the next city…

My version of eat, pray, love – captivating cappadocia

Turkey has been wonderful. I am glad that the trip went smoothly and most importantly safe. Very minor hiccups, i think just in konya.
I was prepared for the long walk. A lot of walking especially since i was on budget. Thus, i will be relying on public transportation and walking. What i didn’t expect was the climbing and hiking. Yet i enjoyed it. I thought i would be gaining weight. However, seems like i became fitter throughout my stay in Turkey. I eat lesser surprisingly. I hardly feel hungry, contrary to when i am at Malaysia. People in Turkey definitely doesn’t need gym. Being a tour guide itself, makes you walk a lot.

Turkey was my first solo trip. I left my job and needed fresh air. My trip offficially started at Cappadocia. Such a captivating city. Formed by tuss and volcanic ashes. You get to see a lot of interesting natural formations. Cave houses which now mostly have been converted to hotels, cave churches and monasteries.

I spent 4d3n in Cappadocia, which is more than enough. 

Day 1 – I arrived day 1 around 2pm at Kayseri Airport. It took about an hour by car to reach Goreme, Cappadocia from the airport. Upon arrival, i spent the day at the hotel. Exhausted from the long hour flight with 2 transits in Singapore and Istanbul. What i realised on first day – food was expensive. Maybe if i had a partner, i could share since the portion was huge.

Day 2 – I already knew my itinerary in Cappadocia as i got my hotel to arrange for the tour prior to my arrival. I joined the green tour in day 2, which include, amongst others, panorama view of goreme,Derinkuyu underground city (highlight of the trip), selime monastery, ihlara valley and pigeon valley, onyx making demonstration. Some of the places are 1hr drive from goreme, so i think it was worth it to take the tour that also include transport, english-speaking guide, entrance fees and lunch. The guide picked me at at 930am and sent me back to my hotel at 6pm. Derinkuyu Underground City was thrilling. It is the deepest underground city in Cappadocia with 85m depth. About 13 storeys but visitors can only go down to max level 8. The place was dark at certain corners and mysterious with narrow passageway. You will have to bend 90 degree at some areas or squats. The underground city indeed a temporary shelter to the ancient civilisations like hittities and orthodox christians. Selime monastery will test your climbing skills and it was a long walk at ihlara valley with serene surroundings. I was told by my guide that the local traditional cuisine is pottery kebap. Since i didn’t want to burst my budget, i had instant noodle and bread in my room.

Day 3 – My red tour began, covering goreme open air museum, pasabag (mushroom shaped stone formation), devrent valley (animal shaped stone formation), abandoned greek village and ceramic making demonstration. This tour was shorter. It ended at 4ish pm. Most of the places werewithin close distance. Indeed you could actually walk to places like goreme open air if you stay in Goreme. After the tour, i walked up to the sunset point in goreme to watch the sunset view.

Day 4 – i managed to catch a glimpse of the hot air balloons. The tour normally starts as early as 4am. I didnt try it because the price was a bit on the high side ranging from 80-175 euro, depending on the type of tour. Moreover, i doubt i could get up that early. I checked out at 9am and walked to the bus station for my bus ride to the next destination.

I truly enjoyed my stay here with all the activities. I’d highly recommend taking the green tour. If you are working on really tight budget or timing, just lose out the red tour as you can visit the goreme open air museum on your own. However, during the greentour, you have already seen cave church and monastery.

To be continued on my next destination…