I think i like him. But i am scared to commit. But i want him. *dreamy look*


Fireworks that sparkles

I need some excitement in my life. I must do things that excites me. That creates the sparks and sparkles. The fireworks.

I cannot go through my daily mantra such as be grateful at least you have a job, finding inspirations to work. It doesnt come naturally.

I want to be surrounded by like-minded people. Supportive colleagues. Not the ones subtly insult and degrade others.

My superhero

I woke up yesterday feeling grateful that it was only a nightmare. But scarry enough to teach me a lesson. My heart bleeds everytime i think about the dream.

I dreamt that my old man died. I certainly cannot live without him. Despite our differing stances, he is my everything. My superhero. I will never be where am I now if it wasnt for him. I love my dad more than i hate him. Thank you for providing us such a wonderful life.

Sparkly where are you?

It has been too long. Looking for the spark. Searching for my mojo. I have no idea what should i do. Should i just go with the flow like a dead fish, while watching people around me progressing. Or is it about time to make a bold move. The latter option is rather risky. As the saying goes: better to deal with the devil that you know than the devil that you don’t. Be wise my girl. God will show you the path.

Tinder Experiment

After some episodes of boredom hit me. Friends are busy with family, kids, dates, work crisis and many more. I decided to channel this boredom to Tinder. An experiment which lasted 5 days with 80 matches. Not a record breaking but handful enough to keep me occupied when my friends are ignoring me or entertaining other matters of their priority.

I remembered clearly on the second day of tindering, I was at work and freaking out of how to hide my profile or keeping it temporarily private. Not wanting anyone in a familiar surrounding to take notice of my account. How absurd!! When i have stumbled upon several accounts of my acquaintances, even the married one *giggles*. That moment i thought I needed “Tinder for Dummies” but hey a girlfriend of mine came to rescue. Apparently there is a setting which allows you to disable discovery of your account by others. You can turn it on and off anytime at your convenient.

What do I think of Tinder when I first started?

Initially it was fun, seeing all sorts of accounts. I never thought there are so many many many men out there. In my mind, my options have come to an extinction. But the apps proved me wrong. There are still plentiful out there. Here is a list of what I learned from my encounters:

  • I do not have any friends in the line of architecture
  • I came across several Spanish
  • Many of my expat matches are in the line of education ie. tutor, lecturer, research assistant
  • If they want to hook up, they will be direct up front in the conversation. Hence, you can decide to pursuit or run away by unmatching.
  • Divorcees are quite open to admit their status.

Why did I delete my Tinder account?

Along the way I got bored of repeating myself such as:

  • I am fine and you?
  • What do you do?
  • I work as yadayada…
  • I stay close to location A (not going to mention my exact location)
  • I do this and that on my free time…
  • My plans for the weekend are…
  • Sorry I do not have Instagram or Whatsapp (obviously white lies)

Imagine having to repeat the above for 30, 60, 90 days. Some can appear to be subtly persistent to ask you out or move the conversation to Whatsapp or emotional when their messages been left unattended.

To be honest, the apps do provides alternative for dating, hookups or expanding your social circle. But I presumed this will ultimately based on physical preference or “looks”. Well hey, afterall that’s the reality. Do take note that looks can be deceiving 🙂

I’d still prefer to date someone, whom I’ve met in real-life the first time. As expectations could lead to all sorts of negative consequences.