It hit me now at 4.11am that my 2 years and 26 days experience have no value. I do not have any ‘so-called’ unique personal selling point or tangible skill sets. I am struggling to go to interview since I do not have anything to offer. Empty.
I have no intention to continue being in the ruthless world of consulting. Now i understood well why my dad never favor consulting job. Too harsh. You either survive by thriving or being used/manipulate. Trust noone in the consulting environment. Not even your own boss. They only come to you if they need you for a specific purpose and agenda. Else you will get side line and while watching your peers progressing, in this context – progressing in terms of skill sets and job exposure. You typically get stereotype of doing certain things and rarely being given the opportunity what other does. A well-network environment, where you are surrounded by the rich of richest.
I have been in many work places and came to conclusion that bullying in consulting is the worst. Psychological bully. I hope my kids/nieces/nephews never choose this as their career. A surrounding which is lack of warmth and humility.
P/s: i am the jack of all trade and master of nothing.
After 1.5 years of texting including those cooling off period, we met at last. I call it fate. The right time and right place. Maybe right moment.
I wasn’t nervous at all. Not sure about him. I felt a huge relief though. The kind of feeling like you just settled all your debts with the bank 😁
He looks better than i thought. Perhaps his photos don’t do much justice. He looks like his age. Expected character just like how we have been texting.
Unicorn mellowed down along the way as we were heading to our car. I didn’t expect him to open up indeed.
I still remember his gestures when we were bidding farewell. His firm handshake and the look. I dont know, maybe I must have gotten it wrong. It was then followed with a text message. I guessed this is it, could be the end or the beginning to something new.
P/s: I adore him. He has everything.
Spending the final 3 months here. I have not much to do. I wish i could contribute more in my next move and also expand the horizon of my experience. Being more on the go. Doing real implementation. I am indeed more excited with what is yet to be certain. But i feel a rush of optimism running through my veins. I am ready to grow.
I almost forgot to update my progress in combating depression and anxiety. After 3 months, my therapist told me i could stop Xanax and just to continue with Lexapro at this moment. I will also be seeing him every 2 months instead of monthly session.
Indeed i have quit thinking about how people view me and do things my way. They have to accept me for who i am. Être acceptée comme je suis.
I am sick and tired of hearing people’s opinion. Oh you have too high expectations. You are not girlfriend or wife material. You cant marry a man with kids and so forth.
I know i am a very thoughtful, caring and loving person. But i refused to express them. Only those who deserves them will experience these. I have a lot of love but i am very selective of whom shall be part of this circle.
In the end i decided to play along. Agreeing and making these people satisfied with their judgement on me. Go ahead feeling good by putting others down without trying of getting to know them. I will only go lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.
I cant be affected by weather buddy. People who are only there for the good time and god knows where they are in the bad times.
Captain B messages me on Facebook today. Accusing me of i dont know and i dont understand. Something like what i did with his friend. From what he heard from another friend.
I wanted to reply but i didnt. I have nothing to deny nor i owe him any explanations. All i can say i didnt do what he accused me of. And i shall let God do the rests.
If i have wronged him, i shall bear the consequences. Otherwise, he will always find me back out of his guilt and his friends will always look for my fault out of their guilt.
I am surprised by how people made up stories to destroy your reputation. And i pray to god to always protect me from all these.
It has been 2 years I ignored Captain B. It was his decision not to be in relationship with me. He gave me hopes. Leave and came back and leave and came back and i decided to move on.
He will never find me in other women.
Charmer the banker is back in the picture! I think my friend’s request in fitbit, prompted him to message me. Chirpy and hyper as usual.
So today, he proposed that i find him a girlfriend. Hmmmm…
His criteria include amongst others:
– min 170cm tall
– fit but not slim like a model
– pretty and nice looking
– does not carry hermes or bottega, potential gift from the ex
Sounds way too perfect and demanding.
What happens to soft spoken, great personality, funny? Secondary. Why? How can it lasts with lack of emphasis on the character?