Day 5 of my medication. I noticed that i didn’t cry at all or have any compressed feelings in my chest. Though at times, i fell a bit hyper but manageable
I came to a point that i need professional help. I am feeling so much emotional pain and it has been on-going for too long.
My first session yesteday went ok. He asked about my work, education background and family. Oh! Not to forget relationship.
There are a lot of movement in my life. I am getting restless. I don’t like intimacy. Everything has to be at arm’s length. Well i have to agree to this because it does make me nervous and i would rum away.
I had to do several questionnaires and be on medication as we need to structure my problems.
I have a feeling that we will be taking emotional flight to the past and these will take a lot of sessions.
1. Be friends with different types of people. Don’t insulate your worldview by only socializing with those who are fundamentally the same as you.
2. Read. Do you know how few people are reading anything other than a few lines of an article here and there? Few. Do you know why it matters? Because a book you read in a few days this week can change the way you think about something for decades to come.
3. Question yourself, and honor your doubt. People who aren’t secure enough to do this stagnate.
4. Be willing to live the way other people won’t, so you can live the way other people can’t.
5. Learn how to cook things you enjoy more than you enjoy ordering out.
6. Learn how to budget your money in a way that makes you feel responsible and liberated, not restricted.
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I am a classic meltdown. I have come this far yet i have never felt so confused. Within a year i got promoted after 9 months, i was rated one of the highest in the team and i passed CFA level 1. I must have accelerated way too fast that i am now lost.
I asked myself:
– what are my contributions to my family and at work?
– why do i create so much drama?
– why isn’t my soul in bliss?
– am i an asset or a liability?
– why do i feel like i’m floating? I wasn’t tied to anything or rooted firm to the ground.
– why is life so painful?
– what’s happening to me?
– why can’t i stop thinking and wandering?
– what are my strengths and capabilities?
– why do i feel stuck?
– why thinhs aren’t flowing?
– where did my emotions and feelings go?
– why god is punishing me?
For the first time in my life i dont have any drive to perform my daily tasks. I lost interest almost in everything. I don’t know what’s next. I am feeling so tired. Too sick and tired of life and work.
What do you want to do?
What do you want in life?
All i want is to feel like i belong somewhere.