Those happened to stumble upon my old blog may have read gazillion of posts I wrote obsessing about Captain B. How much I adore him, waiting for his return, how he crushed my hopes and left me broken.
After a month of blocking him, I decided to remove his number from the Whatsapp’s blocking list. I believed he wouldn’t have been bothered to get in touch with me. I was absolutely wrong about this guy. He is unusually persistent. Nevertheless, I couldn’t understand for a fact that what is he trying to achieve here? Making peace with his past so that it will not ruin his present?
I thought we could escape the conversation about ‘US’ as it has been 1 year and 9 months since I last met him in Amsterdam. To be more precise, the moment when I allow myself to be vulnerable for a thing called ‘LOVE’. Or is it a feeling? Or is it a need?
As the conversation get intense, it hit me immediately that the word ‘LOVE’ in English has only one meaning. Contradictory to Malay, which the meaning could be further broken down into two phases of feeling which is ‘CINTA’ and ‘SAYANG’. Cinta could be the feeling developed when two person fall in love with each other and decided to be an item. Sayang could be the kind of feeling that you have for your family and friends i.e caring for them.
According to Captain B, I may not be his ‘CINTA’, but he never stops ‘SAYANG’ me. Deep and hurtful.